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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27447751">That Bint</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TakingFlight48/pseuds/TakingFlight48'>TakingFlight48</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Moments of Written Musings [13]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>31 Days of Writing Challenge - Fall 2020, F/M, Got out of Azkban on good behavior, He grocery shops for people through an app, NOT a Muggle AU, No smut but definitely hinted at the desire for it, October 31 - Prompt: A Character Doing Your Real Life Job, This is a real thing look it up, Thorfinn Rowle is a Grocemania independent contractor, Thorfinn is just this massive delicious man doing something as mundane as grocery shopping, Thorfinn is just working a job for probation purposes, hermione uses an alias, like London's instacart, they both use alias's, time gap from Battle of Hogwarts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 03:02:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,677</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27447751</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TakingFlight48/pseuds/TakingFlight48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorfinn knew grocery shopping for Muggles wasn't glamourous.  But he chose his own hours, made a decent wage, but most importantly got the Ministry off his back.  Choosing a final job to round out his Friday through Grocemania, he cursed his luck at selecting a job with the most high maintenance woman he had ever shopped for.  Thankful to be rid of her, the last thing he expected was wanting to stay in her orbit when she opened the door.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hermione Granger/Thorfinn Rowle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Moments of Written Musings [13]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1946668</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>66</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>31 Days of Writing Challenge - Fall 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>That Bint</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>31 Days of Writing Challenge - Prompt October 31: A Character doing your real life job</p><p>I have found joy in my little side gig for the US Instacart and Shipt companies.  I thought it would be hilarious to use this prompt to make one of our steamiest, Viking DE into this massive piece of man shopping for others.  </p><p>Gratitude forever to my beautiful friend, Kiwi05622 for showing up with the moodboard I've added in!! </p><p>Enjoy ☮ ✌</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><hr/><p>Parking his motorbike in the tight space between two larger cars, Thorfinn shook out his long hair before securing his helmet and bike in place with a lock and perhaps just a little bit of magic.   </p><p> </p><p>Pulling his phone out of his leather jacket once more, he expanded the order on his phone as he fished out and lit a cigarette.  He knew he was early, but the order had indicated only 10 items.  After working for Grocermania for going on a year now, he was confident he could get in, get the goods, get out and head home for the night, maybe even entice one of his roommates out for a pint.  He stretched his neck on an inhale smirking at a bird that waved at him as she sauntered by.  He wrinkled his nose, however, at the tiny little pooch walking just ahead of her glittery leash.  The only small animals he could tolerate on a good day were cats, anything else and he would accidentally find a way to kick them out of his home.  </p><p> </p><p>Inhaling the final dredges of nicotine, his eyes scanned the space around him as he made a show of putting it out against his leathered boots and vanishing it before it hit the ground.  Another thing he hated was littering.  Bringing his mobile back to the forefront of his focus, he selected to send an automated text to the customer laughing as her name, a Harmony G., flashed onto the screen.  Her photo was zoomed into a grumpy looking cat held in begrudgingly against a small frame.  </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Thorfinn: Hi, Harmony, this is your Grocemania shopper, Theodore.  I’m about to begin shopping for your order from Grocemania Essentials.  Please let me know if you need anything else. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Finally standing tall, he confirmed his bike was safe and moved towards the market.  Grabbing the topmost basket, he stopped, leaning against the closest display as his phone vibrated twice against his hip.  Sending the stankiest smile he could muster at Melinda, the same clerk that worked the counter this late in the day and was always staring at him or his arse, he scrolled back into the app.  </p><p> </p><p>“Merlin’s saggy staff,” Thorfinn groaned.  He rarely sent out the company's generic text.  He was no amateur after all, and only an amateur would send that simpleton letter opening the door for the customer to add on last-minute things.  “Just like this one,” he mused to himself.  </p><p> </p><p><b>Harmony: Hi, and thank you, Theodore! I will make sure you’re taken care of, but I realized moments ago how much I am out of at home.  I sometimes lose myself in work and anyway - could you add the following: [I’ve sent it in list form, so it’s easier for you]</b> <b><br/><br/></b></p><p> </p><ul>
<li><b>Jaffa Cakes [2];</b></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><strong>Sleeve of Oreo’s [4];</strong></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><strong>Flaming Hot Cheetos, biggest size they have [3];</strong></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><strong>Ben &amp; Jerrys Cookie Dough - [5];</strong></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><strong>Philadelphia Original Spread;</strong></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><strong>Alpro Almond Original (or vanilla if they have it);</strong></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><strong>Durex Pleasure Me condoms [2 packs];</strong></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><strong>7 Days Croissant [4]</strong></li>
</ul><p> </p><p>
  <b>Thanks so much, you will be properly compensated. - HG</b>
</p><p> </p><p>He permitted himself a second to whine, knowing he looked ridiculous, a grown man stomping in a store, before moving to replace the basket for a cart.  When he had first gotten out of Azkaban on good behaviour, something he had never believed possible when he had entered its dreary walls, he had planned on slowly re-immersing himself into the wizarding world.   Instead, the world that his sister had painted for him in their letters looked a lot less vibrant from where he stood.  Knowing that he had to provide proof of employment, without write-ups, for a year, he had stumbled into this job. </p><p> </p><p>Having escaped into Muggle London, Thorfinn had retraced the steps he had taken so long ago before his father had offered him to the Dark Maniac, before he had graduated Hogwarts and had his dreams of Quidditch dashed, and before he had to fight against two wizards and a witch almost a decade younger than him.  </p><p> </p><p>That had been the first time he had passed this Grocemania Essentials store.  Slowly, with Melinda’s help, a forty-something miserable old hag, he learned how the service worked, how he dictated his own schedule and made pretty decent money if he got the hang of it.  </p><p> </p><p>After quaffling around on the idea, and knowing he didn’t actually need the funds nor a full day of work type of schedule, he signed up and was approved.  However, he had yet to be late on any one order and would curse Salazar himself if this order ruined his pristine record.  </p><p> </p><p>Plugging his headphones into his ears, he pressed some buttons that little Malfoy had convinced him he would like and bobbed along as a rich voice begged to be taken to church.  Taking a deep breath, and knowing he did better when he was in his best form, he sent the bint a quick reply back. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Thorfinn: Thanks, and no bother.  I will let you know if there are any issues or I feel like I will be delayed, otherwise, standby.  TR </b>
</p><p> </p><p>He moved through the packaged baked goods, easily picking up the various types of bread on order, including the newly added croissants.  He stretched his arm, never more thankful for his added height as he fished through the top shelf for the last two 7Days Croissants she had asked for.  Dropping them into the cart, he turned, almost slamming into a man who had his head stuck to his phone before moving aisle per aisle.  </p><p> </p><p>This was the best part, being able to simply move around, no pointing fingers, no concerns about their safety, only glances due to his height or his roguish good looks.  He always chuckled when a pretty Muggle would ask him if he was Thor.  It wasn’t until a few months back that he realized they did not mean the literal God of Thunder that he grew up listening about, but rather some made-up character that was played by an actor, the spitting image of himself.  </p><p> </p><p>Stopping by the Biscuits section, he shifted all the little packages around looking for original Digestives; however, all they had left were Milk and Dark Chocolate.  Dreading what her response might be he clicked her phone, waiting for the chat to reappear before typing away the missing product. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>TR: Looks like they are fresh out of Original Digestives.  I already grabbed the two Milk’s you wanted, did you want to substitute in the Dark Chocolate ones for The Originals?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Preparing to move onto the next order, accustomed to slow responders, he froze mid-step as her response echoed through his headphones.  </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>HG: Bugger, right.  Grab two more milks then and could we do two hobnobs instead?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>TR: Sure thing, thanks for the prompt response!</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>HG: I am only ever on this thing for this service, so I should be pretty fast until you get here. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>“Good to know,” Thorfinn mused as he quickly grabbed the new items, scanned them into the app and almost chucked them across the store when the Hobnobs were coming up as not found in the system.  Squinting at the price tags along the shelves he finally located where the hobnobs <em>should </em>lay and added in the descriptor, cost, and scanned them <strong>into</strong> the system before moving on.  Pausing a moment, he quickly tossed a Milk Chocolate Digestive into the front basket for himself before moving onto the rest.  </p><p> </p><p>Reaching the Fresh Market section, he grabbed the sliced meats she had ordered and stopped in front of the butter.  They had five varieties at this store and never ran out, but the one time he was working with someone who added on after every message, they had to be out of the butter she wanted.  </p><p> </p><p>“Lurpak, Flora, Lurpak, Flora, Lurpak, Flora, Salazar just one Anchor?” he mumbled as he moved the various butter containers around, shifted in the far back where sometimes the last of an item sat waiting for discovery.  </p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, love, right out of Anchor this week.  Something to do with the packaging,” Melinda tutted to his left.  His knuckles whitened as he gripped the cold shelf tight enough to break as he relaxed his body.  “Shit Melinda, I asked you to stop sneaking up on me,” Thorfinn growled.  The old coot just laughed before pointing to her ears, “If you didn’t insist on silencing your own breathing with that noise, you would have heard me.”</p><p> </p><p>Thorfinn narrowed his eyes on her, pushing his hair into a low bun and out of his face as he turned back to the butter.  “Bloody fuck, then.”  Grumbling and ignoring the wench as she walked away, he typed out a quick message.  </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>TR: No Anchor spreadable, Flora or Lurpak work?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Not even pretending to move on, he was satisfied when he saw her typing back.  </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>HG: Never had either; what would you recommend?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Groaning, Thorfinn stared at the two offending items before typing out a quick Lurpak, grabbing it and moving on.  </p><p> </p><p>The bint still hadn’t responded when he reached the cat food, thankful that more than half the order was safely in his car, no further issues since the butter.  </p><p> </p><p>Staring a bit too intently on the cat sitting on the front of the bulk cat food packaging, he almost dropped his phone as it buzzed in his hand.  </p><p> </p><p>“Bloody fuck.”  Thorfinn quickly moved into messages and chuckled at his misfortune.  </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>HG: Right so asked some friends Lurpak sounds foul, Flora please (: </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>TR: Will do, in the meantime, the app isn’t specifying what sort of tinned cat food you need.  There are Whiskas and Felix here.  Would either suit?</b>
</p><p><b><br/></b> <b><br/></b>Leaving the cart by the cat food, Thorfinn moved toward the refrigerated section to swap the butter, her response interrupting him as he attempted to substitute the Flora brand butter.  </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>HG: Excellent!  How about Whiskas Chicken in Gravy.  If it fits, could you grab two twelve-packs?  Also, if you see any cute little mice toys, my familiar has laid his last ones to waste.  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Thorfinn chuckled as he backed out of her message, finished the swap, and re-read her text as he made his way back to the cart.  He was drawing the line at cat toys, "Where does she think I am, Wholefoods? Whoa!"</p><p> </p><p>Standing at the end of the aisle, he found his cart, but he also found an old lady moving things out of his and into hers.  Fingers itching for his wand, he barely refrained from hexing her into tomorrow before plastering a charming smile on his face.  </p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, mam, but this is actually my cart with things I need for someone else’s order,” he held her gaze as her lips parted slightly, head tilted back to take in his large stature. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I am so sorry young man, you see I am just so small, and this cart happened to have some of the products I was too short to reach!”  She patted his arm as if she was thanking him for his sacrifice, but Thorfinn Rowle did not survive the rule of one Tom Riddle by simply bowing down to sweet old ladies. </p><p> </p><p>“Right, well there are quite a few blokes around here who would assist you, but I’m going to need those products back,” sidestepping her widening eyes, Thorfinn proceeded to pluck the croissants, biscuits, and even the milk out of her cart and back into his.  </p><p> </p><p>“What an abuse of size, I am astounded at the youth these days,” she intoned.  </p><p> </p><p>“Right, well the same could be said for the audacity of the elderly,” he shot her a broad grin before turning back to the cat food, ignoring her and her murmured curses.  </p><p> </p><p>Once he was confident she had vacated the aisle he dropped his forearms onto the cart handles, let his head rest against his arms and groaned.  “I have exactly twenty-two minutes to finish, check out, and literally drop these products off before I am marked as late.  Now I have to check my once meticulously organized cart in case that, that, thief, took more than I could see at first glance?”</p><p> </p><p>Barely glancing at his phone, he swiped right at the incoming call, groaning a hello into the microphone on his headphones.  “Finn!  When are you done?”  Antonin’s ruff voice echoed around him, and he lifted his head, aware that he was acting like a toddler, before clearing his throat.  </p><p> </p><p>“Working on this order, mate.  It’s longer than expected, and some old lady just took things out of my cart!”  He cringed, knowing the face Tonin was probably making at his whining.  </p><p> </p><p>Bless Tonin, knowing when to taunt and when to ignore.  “The Nott heir wants us over for Poker night.  Said something about a new member, female, smart as a whip and money to lose.” </p><p> </p><p>Thorfinn nodded along as if Tonin could see him while comparing his cart to what he had already marked off as acquired.  </p><p> </p><p>“Finn,” he heard Tonin hedge. </p><p> </p><p>“Hmmm, Yea, fine, blasted woman,” Thorfinn murmured.  </p><p> </p><p>“Right, yes, said she's a woman.  We might be surprised Nott said, at who it is that shows up.  But, well I won’t go if you won’t.  Last time we were the oldest ones there and I don’t fancy a repeat without you,” he groused. </p><p> </p><p>“Can’t make any promises, I was looking more into a pint in Knockturn sort of night than Poker with the younger lads,”  Thorfinn responded, glad he only had to circle back for some crisps and the Haribo gummies which there had been plenty of.  </p><p> </p><p>“Merlin, I am so glad I took back those croissants, Tonin.  They were the last ones, and that cunt wanted them.” </p><p> </p><p>“Right, I’ll floo him with a no, and maybe we can go back to that new little corner pub.  Remember that one?  Where you sat and watched Hermione Granger last time, like a creepy old bastard.”</p><p> </p><p>“I did not,” Thorfinn retorted immediately, inwardly cursing as he didn’t see the cat food she had asked for.  </p><p> </p><p>Scoffing into the phone, Antonin made some quip about him wanting a leg up on the little witch as Thorfinn typed out a message to the current bane of his existence. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>TR: Hey Harmony, sorry for the delay but they only have Fish in Jelly - Whiskas and Felix Meat in Jelly.  Would either of those work. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want a leg up on anyone Tonin, don’t be crass.  I simply was <em>appreciating</em> how nicely she had grown up.”</p><p> </p><p>“Right and the little black number she wore as Marcus Flint was draped all over her did nothing for you because it sure did for me,” Antonin shifted on the other end of the phone and Thorfinn groaned at the reminder.  </p><p> </p><p>She had been the name behind the massive prison and judicial reforms in the past seven years.  Working tirelessly, or so the papers claimed, to force proper treatment even for criminals like him.  Because of that unrequested crown, however, she was rarely seen outside of her private firm in Diagon or the Westminster Area where it was rumoured she resided.  So to see her with Marcus Flint, of all people, and in a bar like The Gulf, well quite a few patrons had been watching and <strike>hoping</strike> waiting for Marcus to leave without her.  </p><p> </p><p>“Right well, Marcus has her and I don’t think he’d let something like that go anytime soon,” Thorfinn murmured as he pulled up the newest response. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>HG: Merlin, both sound foul, I could pass but just grab one Whiskas, perhaps I can wash whatever jelly it is sitting in off?  Did you know how horrible tinned food like that is for cats?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>His brows rose.  Was this witch so bored with herself that she was trying to start a conversation with a stranger?  Not that it would be the first time, but still, he did not have the time.  </p><p> </p><p>“Seems like this one’s a witch, Tonin.  She said Merlin,” Thorfinn chuckled.  </p><p> </p><p>“Could be a Muggle they have all that Merlin folklore and films.  Anyway, that was their first and last date, according to Lucius.  Little witch met him through Harry at a Ministry Quidditch friendly and wanted to try him on for size.  Seems she’s into the bigger wizards.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t tease me, you cunt.  I need to finish this order so keep your clucking to yourself.  Plus Flint isn’t tattooed with Azkaban ID’s like we are, now is he?”</p><p> </p><p>The other wizard laughed, peetering off as he heard the spark and inhale of a fresh cigarette.  “You better not be smoking in the flat,” he warned. </p><p> </p><p>“Mother Chick again, Thorfinn?  We are wizards, and damn good ones at that.  Now finish what you're doing and call me when you're on your way to the needy cunt’s house so I can plan our evening.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck,” he hated with they smoked in the flat.  For all the freshing spells in the world, nothing could remove it from their furniture.  </p><p> </p><p>He grabbed the cat food she wanted, laughed his way over to the condoms and grabbed two boxes for her and one for himself; at least the lady had taste.  </p><p> </p><p>Zipping back to grab the last items he finally parked at the register, waiting for Melinda to finish reading whatever mundane tabloid she deemed worthy of her time.  </p><p> </p><p>“Right, love, going to ask we skip this song and dance tonight, tight schedule and all,” he murmured as he placed everything on the belt and she begrudgingly processed them all.  </p><p> </p><p>Checking his phone, he had 5 minutes to make a 7-minute drive, not including the time it would take for him to transfigure bags without being caught.  </p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, always a pleasure!” Thorfinn shouted as he zipped out of the store, almost colliding with an incoming stranger and hurrying to his motorbike.  </p><p> </p><p>“Smart thinking, Finn,” he murmured as he used his large frame and the two large trucks on either side to hide him.  He had a process.  In an effort to <em>not</em> be as wasteful as Muggles, he had worked with Antonin to create a temporary sort of reusable bag.  One by one he transfigured scrap paper into bags that would dissolve inconspicuously within 4 hours.  Uncaring for once how he packaged her things, he stuffed Harmony’s order into the deep carrier he had strapped to his bike.    </p><p> </p><p>Revving his engine, and backing out as safely as possible, Thorfinn sent a quick -- <b>TR: On my way!</b> -- before zipping in and out of London’s Friday night traffic.  </p><p> </p><p>Whatever list of songs Nott had chosen, he approved as some female artist crooned into his anxious mind, calming him and whatever frantic energy he carried as he drove to his destination.  </p><p> </p><p>With a “Thank Merlin!”, Thorfinn unsnapped the basket off his bike, thankful for the lightweight charm as he took the steps 3 at a time.  He could have crowed with delight had he not been huffing as he stared at Flat 5A.  The large man pulled out his phone, slide right to mark delivered, and knocked twice; this was his favourite part - dropping the bags at their door, never entering, and continuing onward with his evening.  </p><p> </p><p>He was putting together a text to Antonin - the sod knew he would never call him while he was riding the bike - when the door opened and he heard a quiet clearing of her throat.  Slowly looking up, he caught sight of the last person he expected as the recipient of this order. </p><p> </p><p>“Theodore, hmm?” she asked, small fist landing on her hip, amusement clear in her tone.  His eyes traced up her tanned legs, thick thighs, and tiny shorts before enjoying the curves that were not hiding very well under her vest.  When his eyes found her own perusing his own form, he straightened.  </p><p> </p><p>“Hello Granger, or should I say, Harmony,” and her laugh lit up her whole face as she opened her door, taking a small step to the side.  </p><p> </p><p>“Hermione’s too common, and I only use the service when I know I cannot make it out for the next two weeks.  You might have seen in The Prophet, but I’ll be out of the country for a few.”  She whipped her hand around as if her comments were superfluous, but Thorfinn was enjoying the way her chest bounced with her movements and the arse he could make out as she turned slightly away from him.  </p><p> </p><p>“Well, I’ll take those bags now if you need to get going.  I know I probably drove you insane with my extras!”  She rubbed one hand up the opposite arm, her tits tightening against her vest and giving him a delicious peek.  </p><p> </p><p>“Wha- oh no, just show me where to put them, and it was truly my pleasure.  I like to think I provide a <em>complete</em> service if permitted.  Plus, I get it, great choices too on certain items, definitely inspired me to stock up for myself,” he quipped, mind immediately slamming against the condoms she had ordered, 12 condoms to be exact.  12 Pleasure Me condoms that had him both wondering who she was fucking and why she didn’t simply use charms. </p><p> </p><p>“Not all of that is for me.  There’s a young girl that sometimes stays with me, muggle, I house her out when her parents decide she’s too promiscuous and kick her out, before she inevitably gets asked back.”  Her raised brow and slow gaze down his form told him Hermione knew exactly what he was thinking.  Thorfinn licked his upper lip, eyes blatantly tracing down her form as he shrugged unapologetically in response.  </p><p> </p><p>“Right well then, let me show you my kitchen, and if you have nothing else planned I can put on a pot of tea.  I had plans to play poker tonight, but they can wait.  Meanwhile you, Pureblood Rowle, can tell me why you're shopping for Muggles.”  She hummed, and he could do very little but nod and follow the dip and sway of her hips as he shut her door behind him, forgetting the text half-formed on his phone. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>SO MUCH THANKS to Kiwi05622 for being my cheerleader as I concocted this idea at the n'th hour and made it into reality.  I love this pairing and this was my first dip into it.  Safe, vanilla, calm. hahaha  </p><p>Almost everything you see in this fic has happened to me in some capacity on this job, or others that I know.  Also - Grocemania is a real company now in London and the products and goods Thorfinn shopped for in this fic were pulled from Grocemania Essentials in an attempt to be authentic. :) I mean who researches for one-shots - amiright lol....I do, is the answer. </p><p>Anyway - Grammarly was my robot and any mistakes are my own. </p><p>I hope you enjoyed; please leave love in words and kudos as they motivate and uplift.</p><p>ॐ</p></blockquote></div></div>
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